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This Precious Gift: My Firstborn

kaseymaasen
Jun 9, 2017
5 min read

Updated: Jul 23, 2019

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." - Psalm 139:13-14 ESV

I am beyond excited to meet my baby girl in the next few weeks, but I feel as if I need to share about my growing fears associated with this journey that I am about to embark on that I know God is going to use in such incredible ways to shape me into a better version of myself. The fears that I know most new moms face as their due date with their first child quickly approaches. But also, the comfort I am currently finding through those fears, awaiting the lessons I am going to learn and the growth I am going to experience.

As I sit here feeling my daughter move within me, tears come to my eyes because I know these moments will not last very much longer. Soon she will be in my arms, and the days and years will begin flying by. She will no longer be just mine, safe inside of me, but will instead be a part of this world facing things I wish she would never have to face.

How am I supposed to be okay with the fact that I won't be able to keep all of the hurt and pain of this world from touching her?

How am I supposed to not worry that every move and decision I make as her mother will be the wrong one?

How am I supposed to ensure that she will never forget her Father who loves her despite everything that this world will be telling her?

It's scary for me to think of what's to come in the next few weeks and then years. Being a new mom, I have no idea how I am going to handle all of the situations that I will be faced with, but let me tell you, I am comforted in knowing God has already got everything taken care of. He is already looking out for our baby girl and has been holding her in His arms since day one. My fears are still there, and I know they will always be present as I watch my baby girl grow, but I am comforted in knowing that no matter what happens, God has already got things figured out and handled.

So yes, I may not be ready to hear my daughter tell me she hates me for the first time, or to hear about her first broken heart caused by some dumb boy, or to even have to hear the doubts and questions she may one day experience in regards to her faith... BUT I am ready to see God work in all of those situations. I am ready to be able to look back and see God using every one of the good and bad experiences I am about to face with my daughter to grow me, to grow my faith, and to grow my daughter and our relationship. I am not going into the journey of motherhood with rose colored glasses, but I also refuse to allow all of the fears I am facing and will continue to face to keep me from experiencing all that God is ready to teach me through motherhood.

I mean, all in all, the journey to becoming a mom thus far has been one of the most unique and life-changing experiences I have ever gotten to walk through, so I know it will continue to be one of the greatest and one of the most transformative journeys God will ever lead me through.

I have gotten to feel my daughter's once flutters transform into "punches" and then become actual movements, and now being able to tell the difference between a hiccup, a kick/punch, and a shift in position just takes my breath away. Her little personality is already so wondrous and the bond I have with her is already so strong. She is such a true reflection of God's graciousness and love for me, and I pray every day that one day she will be that reflection of God for everyone that she meets.

So as I continue to walk through the last few weeks of my pregnancy and then as I embark on this journey of motherhood that will last for the rest of my life, I lean into God. I lean into His strength to overcome my fears. I lean into His comfort to know that everything is going to be okay. And I lean into His graciousness to know that no matter what He will always twist everything for His glory.

I so look forward to the day that I am able to write about my experiences as a mother and share the lessons that God is sure to teach me.

But in the mean time, let me encourage you, whether you are a mother of 50 years, a mother of only a few months, or a mom like me that has yet to officially hold your child in your arms, please lean into the Lord yourself and cast all of your worries on Him.

I may not know what life holds for me as a mother, and I may not know what my husband and I will be faced with in raising our little girl, but I do know that trusting in the Lord and leaning fully and solely on Him will help us to overcome anything that comes our way.

God called me to be a mom for a reason, and way too many people throw that fact out the door and forget that when you are called to something by the Lord, He has a specific plan in that calling, and He will equip you and provide for you every step of the way, if you trust Him and allow Him to do so.

My fears are real and I know they will only get worse as my baby girl grows, but His love is real too. So I choose to rest in His love and to not allow the fears of this world to overcome me.

We may not be able to prevent our daughter from coming in contact with every horrible thing in this world, and we may not be able to prevent the mistakes we are sure to make as her mom and dad, but we can rely on the Lord as we raise her, and in doing so, can trust in the Lord to be there as every one of those difficult situations come up.

Doesn't that sound ten times better than trying to face all of those hard situations by yourself?!

Again, I have not had to walk the path of a mom yet, I understand that, but I do know the fears that I am already facing for my unborn baby girl, and I know the only way I will get through the journey of motherhood is with God on my side.

Please moms be reminded to turn to God with all of the good and bad that you face, and find peace knowing that He Has Got This! 😉